Ella shook her head.

Please don’t make me go back in there, she thought.

“If we brought in the commode you used in the hospital, do you think you could go if you tried? We have one.” She shrugged. “Would you be willing to try?” She grimaced a little.

“Better you go here than at home where we don’t have one.” Heather pointed out. She had a

point, Ella decided, before nodding her agreement.

“According to her chart they did give her a laxative in the hospital a couple days ago, but it sounds like nothing happened. They made a note that they suspect she’s been purposefully holding it. Sounds like she might have enupresis. I’d like to prescribe some laxatives, but not if she’s just going to hold it in. She might start having fecal leakage if she doesn’t clear the blockage.”

Heather wrinkled her nose. “I hope she goes while we’re here. I’ll have Charlie swing by the pharmacy and get a portable toilet, but that won’t be until later tonight.”

“Well, if she doesn’t go on her own, I can have Paige administer a you-know-what.” He said before mouthing the word to her. “It’s pretty compressed.”

Heather grimaced as Ella looked from Heather to Dr. Lawson.

“Here you go, hun.” Paige said wheeling in the all too familiar commode. “Hop on up.” Ella was about to obey until she realized a problem. Four problems in fact. She shook her head taking a few steps back. She motioned her hand around the room. Sure she was willing to try, but was the audience really necessary? She could probably go in front one, but four people? Even she had boundaries.

“How about you and Danielle go work on that blood work downstairs? Leave Isabella here with us, hopefully we’ll be all situated by the time you come back.”

“I guess that would work. Are you okay with us leaving for a bit, Ella?” Ella nodded her head and gave the thumbs up, just to make sure she got the point across. “Well, alright. And if you feel she needs it, go ahead and give it to her. Better to get it over with I guess.”

“We’ll give you some privacy.” The doctor said, leading Danielle and Heather out.

Give me one what? Ella thought as the door shut leaving her alone with Paige, “This doesn’t scare you, right?” Ella shook her head, shifting from one foot to the other. Now that it was in front of her and most of the crowd had dispersed, she realized just how badly she had to pee.

“You were pretty freaked out back there earlier, so how about you show me you can sit on it before I go work on paperwork for a few minutes. You look like you gotta go.”

Ella shrugged as she opened the lid, revealing the few inches of water Paige had already put inside. She bunched up the paper gown toward her stomach and sat down on the plastic seat. Ella inwardly cringed as urine trickled down almost immediately. She had meant to just sit, only going once Paige had left, but it seemed muscle memory had won out in the end.

“Good job, that was a lot easier than earlier. I didn’t even need to turn on the faucet. You must have really had to go.”

Heather had been practically forcing water down her throat.

“I’m going to step out for a bit and give you some privacy. The doctor wants you to try and go number two. I’ll be back in ten minutes to check on you.”

They sure were making a big deal about this Ella thought. As long as they didn’t make her go in there though she was happy. And she tried. She really did. She didn’t want to be desperate to do that at Heather’s. She didn’t want to have that kind of accident, and she had promised.

Something Heather had said flashed back in her mind. If all goes well.

What had she meant by that? She would be a permanent member of the family if all goes well. What if she had that kind of accident after she had promised not to? Then that would mean things had not gone well. Would Heather drop her back off at the hospital for doing that?

Ella redoubled her efforts, but still, she couldn’t go. She couldn’t do as Heather wanted. Then came the knock and Paige came back.

“Hey there, any luck?” Ella shook her head and stared at the floor.

“Hey, hey, what’s the matter?” Paige said, squatting down next to her. “Are you not feeling well?”

Ella sniffled and wiped at her face. She had gotten herself so worked up she had started to cry.

“Here.” Paige said, handing her the notebook and pen. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

I don’t want to go back to the hospital!

“You’re not going to go back for this. We’re going to give you some medicine to make your tummy feel better.”

They were going to give her laxatives. Those wouldn’t work for several hours. She would be back at Heather’s by then and then… If All Goes Well… She’d have to go number two and… she couldn’t go in the restroom. …If All Goes Well… She wouldn’t be able to hold it. She’d have that kind of accident. She’d break her promise. If All Goes Well…

Ella burst into uncontrollable sobs.

“I know the medicine’s not going to be very fun, but it’ll be worth it. I promise.” Paige said. She tried to rub Ella’s back, but the girl shook her head and continued to write.

It’s going to make me have an accident after I promised I wouldn’t! Heather is going to take me back to the hospital and leave me! I don’t want to go back!

“Ella, no! Why do you think that? She isn’t going to change her mind and take you back. Especially not over an accident.”

She said I would be a part of her family only if things went well. I tried to use their bathroom! I’ve tried to use all the bathrooms! I can’t! I can’t do it! I can’t breathe!

“I don’t know why you feel like that, but that’s why we’re here. We’re here to help you figure it out and move past it.” She placed a hand on Ella’s scalp and gently rubbed her head. “It’s gonna be okay. Moving in with a new family must be scary, huh?” Ella sniffled and nodded her head. “I can promise you one thing. The medicine I’m going to give you won’t make you have an accident at home. It’s gonna make you go here and now. It’s gonna make your stomach feel a lot better too. You wanna give it a try?”

Ella nodded as Paige patted the table. “Hop up. Lay on your side and bring your knees to your chest like you did before. That’s it, just like that.” Ella silently groaned as she heard the sound of latex gloves being put on. Just what had she agreed too? She glanced behind her and saw what looked like a bag of water connected to a hose. Ugh, an IV Ella thought, before she felt Paige lift up the back of her gown and exposed backside. All Ella had time to think was, this doesn’t seem right, before the nozzle was inserted into her rectum. She let out an audible moan as she felt the liquid begin enter. I’d rather have the IV, she thought as she grabbed her stomach. The cramping had begun. Paige had been serious when she said it was going to make her go here and now.

She wanted to go! She needed to go! Badly! She let out another moan.

“Almost done, you’re doing good, just a little bit more.” Ella didn’t think she could take it anymore. Sweat poured out of her, making the paper gown stick to her skin. Her stomach violently cramped and churned. She’d probably be even to use the toilet if they set her on it.

“Good job, it’s all done!’ She whimpered as she felt the nozzle being pulled free. “You can go sit on the bucket now and let it out.”

Ella moaned. She couldn’t move! If she moved even a fraction of an inch it would come out. Every muscle was tensed and trained to hold the fluid at bay.

“Think you can make it?” Paige asked. “Ella gave a tiny shake of her head. She wasn’t going to make it even two steps! She barely registered the sound of something being slid across the floor and before she could even process what had happened. she was lifted up and sat on the bucket just as her body said no more!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Twenty minutes later there was a knock on the door followed by Danielle, Heather, and Dr Lawson. Ella was passed out on the table, now fully dressed. The bucket was now nowhere in sight. “Did it work? Did she go?” Heather whispered.

“Ohhh yeah.” Paige said eyes opened wide like one who had witnessed a terrible battle . “She must have been backed up for weeks. She’s gonna be a bit raw down there for a bit. Fell right to sleep after.”

“Thank you.” Heather said.

“There’s something I want to show you though.” Paige said, handing Heather the messages Ella had written.

“Ella, no.” Heather said gently caressing the young girl’s face. Ella opened her eyes and found Heather standing over her. “Ella, I’m not taking you back to the hospital.” she whispered, rubbing the girls back as she helped her sit up. “No matter how many accidents you might have. It’s okay. You’re part of this family now whether you like it or not. You’ve been a part of this family since the first time I met you six months ago. When I said “if all goes well” I meant with Child Services, not with you. Yes, there’s still a few hoops we have to jump through to make it official, but that’s nothing for you to worry about.” She leaned down and pressed her forehead against Ella’s before softly kissing the top of her head. “You’re my daughter now and I love you.”

Ella sniffled as the tears ran down her face. “C’mere.” Heather said as she wrapped her arms around Ella and picked her up. Ella threw her arms around Heather and rested her chin on the woman’s shoulder. “I don’t know what happened in your past, Ella Marsh, but we’re going to get through this together.”

How long had it been since she had been held like this? She was the happiest she had ever felt. She was about to close her eye.s and drift back to sleep when something snapped her out of her moment of bliss. It was there and then gone in a flash. Maybe she had imagined it, but deep down she knew she hadn’t. Across the room was Danielle, and in her eyes, even if just for a brief moment was a look of hate