I thought as I stared at the ceiling. After a few minutes my Aunt Katinka appeared and knelt down in front of me. I gulped as she gently tore the seams and lifted the front of my nappy away. I tried to think of anything… anything that would help me avoid the almost inevitable erection I’d get as she swabbed me with the baby wipes. I concentrated on a single spot on the ceiling where two hairline cracks converged and filled my skull with mundane thoughts.

“This new nappy rash cream is very good.” she said in a soft voice. Aunt Katinka has a habit of making small talk whilst she cleans me up, and it’s usually about the task at hand, so my attempts to think of something else are always futile.