13th August
Things have moved along very nicely with regard to involving Sandra in Jason’s nappy changes. Up until this point our approach has been just to normalize Sandra’s presence at nappy time. I began to occasionally and casually change Jason in the lounge while Sandra was reading her book or watching T.V. She studiously avoided taking any notice of him, and after about a dozen times I could see that Jason was relaxing. Sandra has been involving herself more and more with other aspects of his care, like putting his bib on him at mealtime, playing with him while I was getting the meal, or reading him a story. I can see he loves these times and is becoming more relaxed around her.
Sandra’s first involvement with his nappy change arose because I was changing him in the lounge and I had ‘forgotten’ the baby oil and asked if Sandra would mind going to the bedroom and getting it. I continued to take Jasons’ wet nappy of and by the time Sandra came back Jason was lying completely exposed. Sandra let her eyes rest on his little wee wee as I call it, and then with a lovely warm smile lifted her eyes to meet his anxious ones and said “What a little cutie” The relief on poor Jasons face was so transparent that it made me laugh. I said, “Yes isn’t it a little darling.”
The next day I undid his wet nappy on the changing mat on the bed and called Sandra in asking her to make sure little Jason didn’t roll of the bed while I went and got a warm flannel to wash him. Sandra could read the conflict on Jason’s face as part of his mind acknowledged the shame of a grown man lying there like a helpless baby having his wet nappy changed by his wife while part of his mind acknowledged the utter pleasure of being treated like a baby. In moments like these I believe Jason copes more and more by not allowing his mind to dwell on the fact that he is an adult, it is just too shameful, so he immerses himself in the baby experience. This is aided hugely by our reinforcement of his little boy status. And when Aunty Sandra bent over him with a loving smile, her eyes traveling slowly from the yellow stained wet nappy, open, and still lying under him, up to his eyes, and said, “Oh you are a wet little boy aren’t you? Your Mummy will get you all clean and dry again soon. You’re such a good little boy, yes you are!” Standing at the bedroom door I could see the look of relief and gratitude on poor Jason’s face as he felt her acceptance of him as a little boy. I think at that moment something changed for Jason and he took another step in accepting his new identity. Sandra stayed and chatted with me as I put him into a dry nappy.
That evening when I changed Jason for bed Sandra was right there beside me, I ignored Jason as I chatted away to Sandra explaining that for night time Jason had to have two nappies so that they would last him right through the night. We talked about how many changes he needed a day during the weekend and that he needed to be checked at least every couple of hours and usually needed changing. I explained how he was very good at letting Mummy know when he wanted to go poos and I would take his nappy off and then put it on again after he had gone potty. While putting his baby oil on I showed Sandra how important it was to get oil into all the little folds of the skin to avoid nappy rash, and how I would wash that area first thing in the morning and last thing at night with a warm flannel before I put on the baby oil. As I was massaging the oil in I explained that sometimes his little wee wee would play toy soldier and stand to attention. Sandra laughed. “Really,” she said in an amazed voice.
“Yes quite often, but it doesn’t really mean anything, like all little boys he likes to show off to his Mummy,” I said raising my eyes in mock exasperation. All during this woman-to-women chat Jasons wee wee was been getting bigger and taller and it was now standing to attention much to Jason’s embarrassment.
Sandra looked down at it “Oh look, I think little Jason is trying to impress me too!” Sandra laughed, reaching down and tickling Jason’s tummy. Despite himself, Jason couldn’t stop himself from giggling. At last, I think Jason is beginning to lose his shyness and regress to that delightful stage of innocence before modesty and shyness casts their spoiling and inhibiting influence. He knew now that he had nothing more to hide from her.
To hammer home yesterday’s gains, this morning I engineered a situation so I had still not changed Jason into his disposable nappies ready for him to go to work and we were both running late. I had taken off his wet nappy after breakfast so he could go potty and now he was running around in just his shirt and getting fretful. He looked totally cute and it had been hard for us both to keep a straight face. He kept saying, “Mummy I’m going to be late, and I need my going to work nappy on.” Eventually, I called to Sandra, “Would you mind putting Jason’s nappy on him I still have to put my make up on and I’m running late”
Sandra said authoritatively, “Come on Jason, come to Aunty Sandra, and let us get your nappy on.” Jason gratefully went to Aunty Sandra without a murmur and when I heard him say in his sweet little baby voice “Thank you Aunty Sandra ” I knew Jason had made another small step into babyhood.